tumblr is special because I can make someone unhappy just by writing down my thoughts & then they’ll thank me and ask me for more
How dare you be right about this. Please continue
due to plaque buildup, human arteries are sometimes crunchy. also, the arteries themselves are made of a smooth, elastic (possibly gummy?) type of tissue.
therefore, I imagine that eating a diseased human artery would be a similar experience, texture-wise, to slurping one of THESE babies
FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van
UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist
USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth
Is this…shipping discourse?
Amazon once threw a package at my door and then took a photo while it was midair. Not sure where that fits in this schema but I did want to tell y’all about it.
